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Since Beth now lives in my old room, I laid claim to the couch. I’m small enough that I can usually sleep on a couch, without having my feet stick out over the edge. There have to be some advantages to being five-foot-nothing, right?

My sleep… was far from restful. The nightmares returned in force. Searching. Searching, but never finding, or catching glimpses of clues that eventually lead to dead ends, or half-answers. Again and again I failed. Leaving people to die, rot, or left unfound. I must, I must have whimpered or flailed about in my sleep, as my mom woke me up around two in the morning.

It’s disturbing that my first impulse was to find some paper and re-write my ‘notes,’ feeling that the answer to all my questions could be found if I’d look… If I’d just look that little bit closer.

I watched some mindless TV with my mom for about an hour and when I was ready to sleep again, mom used one of her own feathers and performed Captured Dreams. I was fortunate and the feeling of security that the Rite brings wasn’t false, as I had no more dreams that night.

In the morning, I was left with the real problem, in that I was still having nightmares. Even after being Cleansed. Not that mom’d been able to pick up any traces of Taint on me, or my notes. Corax are resistant to Taint, likely a blessing from Helios and Raven both. One purifies with fire, while the other? Well, Father is perfectly aware of the fact that his children like to stick their beaks into absolutely /everything/. XD

Beth just stopped eating her peanutbutter toast and is staring at me. Why the hell do I feel so threatened by her? It’s as if she is seeing things that she shouldn’t.

Things still aren’t quite right with me, so I decided to stay away from St. Claire for a bit. I also need to take a breather, find a quiet Glade and focus on regaining my Gnosis. I’ve been running dangerously low and I’m going to need it when I summon that spirit. Just waiting for that robin’s egg to hatch and that could be any day now. I need to get over this, whatever /this/ is and prepare for the summoning. The Omens might be in my favor, but that’s no reason to be stupid about it. Some down time might be all I need.

I sent out various text messages, letting people know that I’d be out of town for a bit. Left my phone and such with my mom, as she can get ahold of me with Morse if something big comes up. I really need to detach myself from all my projects, just until I can rebuild my reserves and deal with my current set of issues. Dad said he knew a guy who’d repair my switchback and not take me to the cleaners in the process. I called up the Villion brothers before I took off and the said that they might have a book that fit my criteria of interesting. Written by some scholar a few hundred years ago, on the relation between faith and miracles. Seems that he makes mention of non-christian religions and the Church responded by banning the book. Which means that the copy is rare. The Brothers want close to five-hundred for it. GAH! I don’t have that kinda extra cash laying around. Not with all the damage I just did to my bike and… Oh poop.

After some thinking, I chose the book over getting the bike repaired. Asked dad just to store it in the garage for now. I can manage flying back and forth for now. It just takes longer. Transferred some money over to the Villion brothers and asked them to ship it to my mom’s place. They said it’d arrive by Friday, so I’ll pop by on Saturday for a quick visit and a pickup. Everything in place, I picked up some gaudy nailpolish and headed for the Glade that Twinkle-Toes keeps an eye on. 

Wednesday night was hell. More nightmares. Woke up feeling like hell and I heard that damn voice again. Twinkle-Toes is clearly keeping an eye on me for mom. Spying. Bah. Oh well. I know how to make him happy. I pulled out a silver nailpolish pen, the type used to add little designs when you get your nails done and spent a good half-hour or so painting little designs on to Twinkle-Toes’ beak, then setting up a mirror, so he could admire himself. Spent lots of time in the Umbra, after the sun went down, trying to meditate and center myself.

When I did go to sleep (Early Friday Morning) the nightmares were hell again, if to lesser degree of hell and no creepy voice waking me up in the morning. I found myself freaking out at half-seen shadows and hearing things, same as before. But, maybe a little less. Twinkle-Toes said that I was a bit less jittery, right before asking me to paint his nails. *sigh* I obliged, then went back to meditating for the remainder of the evening.

I slept a bit better Friday night, if only because the nightmares took awhile to kick in. They still showed up, just were not al long lived. Thank Gaia. Maybe this means that I’m getting better on my own and won’t have to do something special to get rid of these dreams. It also means that when I went to pick up that book that the Villion Brothers had delivered to me mom, I was just tired, and not drop-dead tired.

The book. The book looks interesting and talks about people who have claimed to have performed miracles in the mid 1700s. Plenty of focus on Christianity, but there is some mention of Islam, and Hinduism. Maybe a few others in passing. Neat. Only, it is old and delicate. I’ll have to be careful with it. The brothers tossed in a second book for free, figuring that I’d be interested in it:

Popular and elite understandings of miracles in enlightened England. A dissertation submitted to the Center for Advanced Theological Studies in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Doctor of Philosophy by Graves, Wilfred (2007).

God. That is one hell of a title. Still, it does look interesting, if rather dry.

Mom made me stay the Saturday night and performed Captured Dreams again. I was grateful for it. 

I woke up to find Beth standing over me and staring at me. I nearly had a heart attack. Fuck. I came within a breath of hitting her and I think she realized that, as she just started to walk off, then plunked herself down in front of the TV.

I went back to the Glade Sunday Morning, along with my new books and a small waterproof case to keep them safe and dry. Twinkle-Toes want me to decorate his nails in Homid now. *groan* Freaking bloody peacock of a raven



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